Sex, sexuality and the purity culture: What would Jesus deconstruct (WWJD)?

In the interviews and research I conducted for my book, Deconstruct Faith, Discover Jesus, many different evangelical norms came up as issues that Christians are deconstructing today. Some of the big ones were politics, purity culture, a “flat” reading of the Bible, the treatment and exclusion of the LGBTQ+ community, the doctrine of hell, and hypocrisy. All of these issues were attached to personal stories. People’s objections to Christianity are never purely intellectual. Their doubts and disbeliefs are seeds planted in the soil of the heart, where stories are remembered.

Purity culture

Here, I address one area that is a major stumbling block for Christians – purity culture. 

In Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free, Linda Klein speaks of purity culture as a shame-based, obsessive subculture that is not, in fact, talking about the healthy boundaries of sex and marriage. Purity culture also teaches that women are responsible for the sexual thoughts, feelings and choices men make, and so must dress, walk and talk in just the right way so as not to “inspire” sexual thoughts, feelings, and actions in them.

One woman I talked to shared this: 

I remember hearing sermons about sexual purity when I was growing up. In one object lesson, our sexuality was likened to chewing gum. 

“Everyone wants the gum before it’s chewed,” the youth pastor would say. “Look at the wrapper it’s in. Doesn’t it look so good!” 

Then, he threw the gum in his mouth and gave a twenty-minute sermon about God’s intent for sexuality. He concluded the message by pulling the chewed gum out. “Now who wants this?” he asked. “All chewed up. No one wants it after it has been used.” The altars were filled that night. No one wanted to be seen as chewed up and worthless. Yet all of us were.

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Deconstructionists have been debriefing the effects of purity culture in the shadows of the Church for a while now. While the Church is worried about people deconstructing, the deconstructionists are sharing stories about the destruction the Church has caused. You can hardly scroll through the Instagram page of a former Christian without hearing about the effects of purity culture. 

Advocates of a new way forward have taken to social media to share the heartbreaking stories of those who now have Religious Trauma Syndrome. This is a condition “experienced by people who are struggling with leaving an authoritarian, dogmatic religion and coping with the damage of indoctrination,” as quoted in Pure by Marlene Winell. 

It doesn’t matter how the message was meant to be portrayed. What matters is that an entire generation heard it – and they’re still suffering the effects. Girls and boys heard two damaging messages. The messaging was more pronounced for girls than it was for boys, probably because men were the ones controlling the message.

Imagine Jesus walking around holding a sign that says Shame Free. The crowd of people he is walking with also have signs but theirs say Free Shame. If we aren’t careful, we’ll think the signs look similar, but they contain opposing messages. That is purity culture in a nutshell.

One of the things I have realized is how compromised people may feel as they reconsider their views on topics such as LGBTQ+, how they read the Bible, and the doctrine of hell. To change our views on any of these issues means we’re giving up truth in the name of grace, or so it can feel. If that’s you, please consider this: If Jesus didn’t emphasise it, we shouldn’t hold it tightly. 

The two criminals 

What did the thief on the cross think about the controversial issues of his day? What was his theology on the doctrine of hell or the inspiration of scripture? Who knows? All I know is that there were two men on crosses that day; only one of them was receptive to Jesus. 

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” 

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” 

Then he said: “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him: “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:39-43) 

Did you notice how Luke wrote about the first man hanging on the cross? He wanted Jesus to save himself. “Are you not the powerful one?” he said to Jesus. “If so, save yourself and save us. Make the trial of this moment go away by proving your power” (author’s paraphrase). 

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I believe the mentality of this man toward Jesus was “Prove yourself.” It’s the same mentality we have when we don’t like the torture of the moment. The same feeling we get when certain doctrines are called into question. The interrogation that feels like a crucifixion. We tend to see how we can prove ourselves to the one who is questioning us. But this first character? He isn’t the one portrayed favourably. 

The second thief on the cross has a different disposition toward Jesus. We don’t know this man’s thoughts or views on the debatable issues of the day, but we know he wants to live on in Jesus’ heart. “Remember me when you come into your kingdom,” he requests. It’s as if his longing for Jesus is more important than correct theology about Jesus’ person, power, or mission. When you compare the two thieves on the cross, one has right theology while the other has desperation. Which one of these criminals does Jesus invite to be with him forever? 

There are stories to be unearthed before the truth can take root. Perhaps this is why apologetics isn’t convincing as many people as we anticipated. How do we unearth the heart? 

Together. 

Christians and non-Christians. 

With the same strategy that Jesus used. 

Spiritual dynamite in hand. Using the metaphor of Mount Rushmore, the goal is that you would have the steps you need to blow up the mountain of religion until it looks like the face of Jesus. The next time someone in your life says: “I’m deconstructing the faith,” here’s what you tell them: “Let’s light the FUSE!”

This article is adapted from Preson’s book Deconstruct Faith, Discover Jesus: How Questioning Your Religion Can Lead You to a Healthy and Holy God 

Preston Ulmer is the founder and director of the Doubters’ Club, an organization that teaches Christians and atheists to model friendship and pursue truth together. He also serves as a Pastor at North Point Church in Springfield, MO. Before joining North Point Church, Preston was the network development director with the Church Multiplication Network (CMN), as well as various ministry roles as a youth pastor, young adult pastor and church planter. Preston has master’s degrees in religion and in divinity. His experience and education led him and his family to plant a church in Denver, CO, where he also founded the Doubters’ Club. Preston is the author of Deconstruct Faith, Discover Jesus: How Questioning Your Religion Can Lead You to a Healthy and Holy God and The Doubters’ Club: Good-Faith Conversations with Skeptics, Atheists, and the Spiritually Wounded.