Ruth Jackson recalls her experience of miscarriage at Christmas and reflects on experiencing pain, fear and doubt in a season of celebration and frivolity

This time last year, I was grieving the miscarriage of my first child. Christmas is a particularly difficult time for those facing loss. The celebration, frivolity and merriment seem to somehow exacerbate the heartache. Then throw into the already tumultuous emotional mix the image of a baby “born to save the world”. The questions immediately arise: Why couldn’t or wouldn’t this divine baby save my baby? Did he not care about this little life? Is a god who allows terrible things such as a pandemic, natural disasters and miscarriage worth believing in?

Fast forward 12 months and I find myself in a very different situation. As we approach Christmas, I now hold a small baby — conceived not long after that first bereavement. However, while I’m obviously looking forward to celebrating… (Register to read the rest of the article)